Writer in Motion Self Edit Draft Part 2

Oh boy! Here it is! My final self edit draft of week 2. I'm still struggling with this love hate relationship with this story. I'm just not sure if I like the way this went. I know my characters, especially my main character, need more depth, and the atmosphere needs a huge boost. Plus, I'm not sure if I like the story....

So, anyway...Here it is...

The Imposter We Traded

Every morning is the same.

Every morning I wake to carnival day.

Today, though, I have my key. A silver key with a twisted metal handle, a sapphire stone half moon and engraved stars. There’s a tiny inscription on the moon, but it’s so small, I’ve never been able to read it. I’ve always kept it in my jewelry box, but today, I string on a ribbon and slip it around my neck.

“What’s it for?” Cress asks as we stand in line for the swings. I run my fingertips over the entire silver surface. “I don’t know. It belonged to my grandmother,” I say.

“Whatever.” She shrugs her shoulder in a dismissive way. “Have you seen Dove this morning?”

“Nope.” I scan the crowd of carnival goers. Dove is never late, and she always rides the swing at the same time as Cress and me. There are three of us turning sweet sixteen today, and we’ve spent every birthday together. We do the same thing, wear the same clothes, eat the same food. The only difference is today, I have my key. A gift to myself. The gift of hope.

Once, I tried to use the key the way my mom warned me to never try, but guilt over powered my desire to be free, and I walked away, still locked inside the carnival. But today, on my sweet sixteen, freedom is stronger than guilt.

Today, I will be free.

I spot Dove standing in line for the Free Fall. She’s talking to a boy, her hand wrapped around her key necklace. Usually, she’s bubbly and happy. Today is different.

“What’s she doing? Why is she not here with us?” Cress asks.

I know, but I can’t tell her the reason. It’s against the rules. Cress has to figure it out on her own accord.

I can feel Dove’s eagerness, even with the distance between us, her guilt long gone, too. But she can’t force the boy’s decision. I look away, but can’t stand not knowing, so I pull my gaze back to the couple and watch.

He takes the key from Dove and slips it around his neck. In an instant, the ground moves under my feet.

Dove and her boy fades from view as a star whisks them away to the heavens. Like falling stars in a backward route, it carries them past the moon to their final resting place.

Dove is free, like a bird from its gilded cage.

“Hey, Essence. You okay?” Cress shakes my shoulder to get my attention. Her long, powder blue hair wisps around her neck, drawing my attention to the key necklace dangling from a dainty gold chain, almost the same color as her skin. I’m staring at the key, trying to understand what Cress intends to do. She has a necklace too? When did this become a race?

I nod, with a tiny grin. “I have an idea.” Last place is not an option.

The line moves up and I choose my place carefully. My chair drops from the ceiling, scoops me up, and the entire contraption starts in motion. The swing’s chains dangle from mechanical loops hidden by the colorful tarot reading on the upper interior surface.

From behind me I hear a little sniff. I look over my shoulder and there sits Cress Skybrooke, her face blotchy from crying. Neither of us have a boy to present our key to, yet, somehow, I feel today will be the day it happens.

The swing ride starts up and my hair is flying in my face, my feet swinging freely in the air. A giggle peals through the air and I turn just in time to see Cress toss her key to a boy behind her. He catches it, and together they fly like a falling star to the heavens, a bright twinkle leaving a trail of star dust behind them.

My hearts falls to my stomach. A strange voice inside my head says, “Climb. Climb to the Warrior’s Wand above you.”

I unfasten my safety harness and shimmy up the chain, cold seeping through my fingers. I feel as if I’m climbing into the clouds. At the top of the carousel I see through the roof of the tarot cards slowing as the swing ride comes to an end. My reading is on the infinity symbol. The white Warrior Wand in the center of the roof calls to me like a beacon. I cling to the it with one hand and lean precariously over the carousal, gray fog clinging to my skin.

Above me, a cloud goddess is draped gracefully into a semi-reclining golden chair, looking every bit as cloud-ish as humanly possible. She’s in her human form, but she looks more like dirty, evaporated water than human. Her skin is a clear, bluish color, laced with black lightening bolt veins running up and down her

arms instead of the usual luminous pink.

She has a pink ribbon around her neck, but no key is attached. She tugs on the ribbon and points to a shadow behind her. I squint my eyes and catch a glimpse of a boy. My breath catches.

I stare up at him through my lashes, and he nods as he extends his hand to me. He catches my key and presses it to his heart. The cloud goddess fades like the clouds after a storm, blown away, piece by piece.

I take her place in the goddess chair.

My carnival days are over.

I’m free.